Top 10 Funniest Weeds Quotes
by Philip created 2011/06/25
In anticipation of the new season of Weeds that will premiere on Jun. 27th, I put together ten of my all-time favorite quotes.
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Andy: Hey, Lupita! Settle an argument for us. What do you call the thing between the dick and the asshole?
Lupita: The coffee table.
Weeds 1x05 episode Lude Awakening
I tried to read the Bible. I did.
But it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings.
Doug to God in Weeds 6x05 episode Boomerang
Conrad: You calling black people stupid?
Nancy: And lazy... and they also steal.
Heylia: Yeah, but we sings and we dances real good.
Weeds 1x01 episode You Can't Miss The Bear
Doug: How do you ask the woman that makes your kids' lunches to suck your balls and spread her ass open like a geometry compass? How, Andy?
Weeds 2x04 episode A.K.A The Plant
You're not a bad influence because you're a drug dealer.
You're a bad influence because you're a bad drug dealer.
Shane to Nancy in Weeds 6x04 episode Bliss
Nancy: You bought a Prius?
U-Turn: I bought seven of them. I've got my whole crew driving em, real quiet. Good for sneaking up on MOTHERFUCKERS!!
Weeds 3x05 episode Bill Sussman
Nancy: You listen, you stay away from my customer base, you don't deal to kids.
Josh: They're too young to bleed, they're too young for weed, no grass on the field no grass will they yield.
Weeds 1x01 episode You Can't Miss The Bear
Been there. Done that. Fucked it up. Twice.
Nancy to Silas in response to his suggestion that they team up to expand
his grow operation in Weeds 4x11 episode Head Cheese
his grow operation in Weeds 4x11 episode Head Cheese
Listen. Being a thug means never having to say you’re sorry.
U-Turn to Nancy in Weeds 3x13 episode Risk
Nobody likes your wife, you don’t even like her. I could stand up on that podium tomorrow night and take a shit on one of those Make A Wish cancer kids, and people still vote for me. ‘Cause they hate your wife…and I’m likable.
Doug to Dean in Weeds 2x05 episode Mrs. Botwin's Neighborhood
