The Big Bang Theory: The Griffin Equivalency
Raj gets a swelled head and goes after Leonard's new crush, Penny, after being made famous in a magazine article leading to a disastrous result.
Gablehauser: [all in Raj's office when Dr. Gablehauser walks in] Hello, boys.
Rajnesh Koothrappali: Dr. Gablehauser
Gablehauser: Dr. Koothrappali
Leonard Hofstadter: Dr. Gablehauser
Gablehauser: Dr. Hofstadter
Sheldon Cooper: Dr. Gablehauser
Gablehauser: Dr. Cooper
Howard Wolowitz: Dr. Gablehauser
Gablehauser: Mr. Wolowitz
Rajnesh Koothrappali: [after Leonard, Sheldon and Howard leave in disgust, Raj turns to a man at another table] Hey, buddy, I'm going to be in People magazine.
Charlie Sheen: [Turning around so that Raj, and we, can see who he is] Call me when you're on the *cover*.
Leonard Hofstadter: [handing out Chinese take-out food] Let's see: Raj was the Kung Pao chicken...
Penny: I'm the dumplings.
Howard Wolowitz: Yes, you are.
Penny: Creepy, Howard.
Howard Wolowitz: Creepy good, or creepy bad?
Leonard Hofstadter: Who was the shrimp with lobster sauce?
Howard Wolowitz: That would be me. Come to papa, you un-kosher delight.
Rajnesh Koothrappali: Remember that little planetary object I spotted beyond the Kuiper Belt?
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, yeah: 2008NQsub17.
Rajnesh Koothrappali: Or, as I call it, "Planet Bollywood".
Leonard Hofstadter: Are you proud of yourself?
Sheldon Cooper: In general, yes.
Sheldon Cooper: Baby wipe?
Penny: Why do you have those?
Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz: No, no! Don't!
Sheldon Cooper: I'll tell you why. I had to sanitize my hands because the university replaced the paper towels in the rest rooms, with hot air blowers.
Penny: Oh I thought the blowers were more sanitary.
Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz: Please, don't!
Sheldon Cooper: Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilents. Frankly, it'd be more hygienic if they just had a a plague-infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry.
Leonard Hofstadter: [On Sheldon's smile] We're here to cheer up Koothrappali, not kill Batman.
Gablehauser: Have you been to the President's dining hall?
Rajnesh Koothrappali: I didn't know there was one.
Gablehauser: It has the same food as the cafeteria, only fresher.
Leonard Hofstadter: That may well be but it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people.
Sheldon Cooper: For the record it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murders, or the carriers of unusual pathogens... And i'm not insane, my mother had me tested.
Sheldon Cooper: Look, I found my missing neutrino.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, good. Now we can take his picture off the milk carton.
The title refers to a legendary creature with the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle. Griffins are known for guarding treasure and priceless possessions.