30 Rock: The Fighting Irish
Summary
Jack helsp his brother, Eddie, get a job with TGS, but can the staff deal with two Donaghys? Meanwhile, Liz needs to make cutbacks and wonders if firing Other Liz will make her look bad.
Episode Quotes
Liz Lemon: [to Jack] I want you... to punch your sister in the face.
Pete Hornberger: Hey, Liz! Hey! You can't fire the other Liz unless she's in the bottom ten percent.
Liz Lemon: Uh, you can just tell she is, by her stupid face.
Pete Hornberger: You're a better person than this.
Liz Lemon: Jack has given me absolute power. I am the decider.
Pete Hornberger: Okay, you can't just do this.
Liz Lemon: I'm not gonna just do anything. I have a plan. Step one: befriend the enemy and gather information. Then, use the information to drive her into the bottom ten percent.
Pete Hornberger: Good lord! Your eyes - you look like that lady astronaut who tried to kidnap that other woman.
Liz Lemon: Hey, that was a lady with a plan. Diapers, Mace, Houston to Orlando in nine hours - blam-o!
[at the NBC Fitness Center]
Jenna Maroney: What class do you wanna take?
Liz Lemon: Uh, anything that doesn't have the word "strip," "salsa," or "beats" with a "z" in the name of it.
Jenna Maroney: Cardio Hip-Hop Groove it is, then.
Jack Donaghy: Lemon, come here - you've got to see this. It's a video of a baby panda sneezing. Sit here.
[Liz sits and Jack starts the video]
Jack Donaghy: Don't watch the mother; just watch the baby.
Liz Lemon: Oh, that is the cutest thing I've ever seen!
Jack Donaghy: Isn't that adorable? You have to fire ten percent of your staff.
Jack Donaghy: You have to fire ten percent of your staff.
Liz Lemon: What?
Jack Donaghy: We have to synergize backward overflow.
Liz Lemon: Ten percent? I can't fire any of these people!
Pete Hornberger: Who cares? Getting fired is better than getting killed by my wife, with those big farm-people hands crushing my windpipe.
Liz Lemon: Everything okay at home, buddy?
Pete Hornberger: Remember that little secret I told you about Hornberger family planning?
Liz Lemon: You mean that you flat-out lied about getting a vasectomy? Don't tell me *that* backfired.
Tracy Jordan: Hey, Liz Lemon: Do you know where I could find a good church?
Liz Lemon: How good? Like, Judaism-good, or just, like, Unitarian?
Tracy Jordan: My attorney told me I should join a church preemptively, 'cause juries are suspicious of celebrities who find religion after getting into trouble.
Tracy Jordan: So, what's your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz Lemon: Hmm, I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.
