30 Rock: Blind Date

Jack: How was your evening with Thomas?
Liz Lemon: You mean Gretchen Thomas, the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian? What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz Lemon: Well I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
Liz Lemon: Regardless, I am straight. One-hundred precent completely straight.
Jack: Well I'm sorry if I offended you.

Jack: [implying that mood affects the performance of his employees and that Liz always seems to be unhappy] Human contact is important, Lemon. I can tell from your stress level that you've not been touched in any way for quite some time. Not caressed. Not massaged. Not even groped on the subway. Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon?
Liz Lemon: No. I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.
Jack: I would think that the single woman's biggest worry would be choking to death in her apartment.

Liz Lemon: [feeling jittery before the blind date set up for her by Jack] Hey, Frank! What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz Lemon: No, I mean if you are gonna go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she is in porn.

Jack: [running into Liz in the hallway on the day of the blind date he set up for her] What are gonna wear?
Liz Lemon: This probably
[indicating she will wear her office clothes]
Liz Lemon: . I don't have time to go home
Jack: That won't do.
[fishes a wad of cash from his pocket and proceeds to give Lemon some money]
Jack: I want you to go out in your lunch hour and find something.
[pauses before emphasizing]
Jack: in a *women's* clothing store.

Liz Lemon: What do you say, we make a pact? If, say, in twenty-five years, neither of us has found somebody. We'll move in together and become roomates. And even though I am... not into the sex stuff, if it helps you, I would let you... do stuff to me.
Gretchen Thomas: I can't be around anymore. Bye Liz.
Liz Lemon: That's funny. That's what the guys always say.

Jack Donaghy: All right then. You're not a lesbian. Duly noted. I'll correct that on your file. It's too bad, though. Thomas thought you were great.
Liz Lemon: She did?
Jack Donaghy: Yes. She said she thought you looked like Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Liz Lemon: Really? She said that?
Jack Donaghy: Yes, I made her repeat it. I was sure she meant Jason Lee.

Liz Lemon: Who's gonna go with me to cooking class next weekend?
Guy at Bar: Well if by 'cooking class' you mean 'your bed' and by 'next weekend' you mean 'tonight'...
Liz Lemon: Oh, shut up.
[he does]
Liz Lemon: I can see your wedding ring. Idiot.

Pete Hornberger: [to Liz] Hey, look at you! You look like fancy prostitute!

Jack: You are a puzzle Kenneth Allen. And I'm going to solve you.

Liz Lemon: Kenneth, why did you play that terrible hand?
Kenneth Parcell: Why? Because I believe that life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling, and I got confused about the rules.

Frank wears three different trucker hats that read "Extra Sausage," "Joystick Master," and "Double Cheese."

Goof (continuity error): During the final poker game chips are visible in front of Kenneth despite him telling Jack Donaghy that he had no more chips left to go "all in."

Liz makes reference to the "grape lady falls" video when she falls in her apartment and makes similar sounds of pain on the ground off camera.

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